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Humor Three-Character Classic: A Bawdy Translation

The Three-Character Classic [ Sanzi Jing] is a 700 year old classic which Chinese kids have been required to memorize even before they could read and write. It is a very compact "poem" that summarizes all of the basic tenets of Confucianism, serving a very similar function that a catechism has in a Catholic school. Confucianists, despite their tremendous influence on Chinese thought for over 2,000 years, have a reputation as being serious folks without the zest for life that Taoists have.  But maybe that impression is incorrect.  Maybe the text has been misinterpreted for 2,000 years.  Here is a new, improved translation which traditionalists would not approve but it is arguably valid.

YellowTip Below is the original (partial text) with our own "old-fashioned" translation and the new interpretation by an unknown author. For a complete translation of the original, see Three-Character Classic: A Confucian Roadmap for Kids.

Original Traditional Translation New, Improved Translation**

People at birth,
are naturally good.
Their natures are similar;
their habits become different.
At the beginning of life.
sex is good.
Basically, all the sex are the same.
but it depends on the way you do it.

If, negligently, not taught,
their nature deteriorate.
The right way to teach,
is with absolute concentration.
If you do not practice all the time.
sex will leave you.
The way of learning it
is very important to make love with only one person.

Formerly, the mother of Mencius
chose a neighborhood.
When her child would not learn,
she broke the shuttle from the loom.
Once a great mother, Mrs Meng
chose her neighbor to avoid bad sex influence.
If you don't study hard,
your dick will become useless.

Dou Yanshan,
had the right method.
He taught five sons,
each of whom raised the family reputation.
Dou, the Famous
owned a very effective and exciting medicine
All his five son took it
and their sexual abilities were well-known.

To feed without teaching,
is the father's fault.
To teach without severity,
is the teacher's laziness.
If your children don't know how to do it,
it is all your fault.
If they had lots of problems with it,
their teacher must be too lazy to tell them details of sex.

If the child does not study,
it is improper.
If he does not study while young, 
how will he act when old?
You may refuse to study this
but that is a real mistake
If you don't learn it in childhood,
you will lose your ability when old

Jade that has not been polished
cannot be used.
Person that has not studied
cannot know righteousness.
If you don't exercise your dick,
it won't become hard and strong.
If you don't learn sex,
you cannot enjoy its sweetness

*The humorous translation is by an unknown author and assumed to be in the public domain. All other text copyright as indicated below.